A friend of mine has inspired me to write this article and I probably should open up and embrace my kind from different parts of the world, in fact, I should have written about this in the beginning when I launched this blog!
Since I was a child, I have always been the bigger / biggest one in the community; the biggest girl in school, classes, different events, anywhere I go. I never had anyone to complain to, whom really understands how it feels because everyone around me were a size 0/2 (even my best friend is a size 2!). Through out these years, I have learned to isolate myself when necessary as a selfdefense mechanism, which I felt fine living the way I was. But I was not happy. I have almost forgotten how to connect and open up.
Now, I have finally come out of my shell; I think it’s time to give back and promote self love, to encourage many others who felt left out like I did.
From this article on, I will feature a curvasian in each post and perhaps you can also relate to some of their stories and also spread the love to the ones who need it, the ones who once were or still being troubled by body image like most of us do.
This time it starts from me.
What’s your name and where are you from?
I am Bertha and I am born and raised in Hong Kong.
What is your life like living in your country as a curvy Asian girl (*as oppose to most of the other Asians who are naturally lean)?
I have always been big, I was already around 120pounds in the last year of my primary school. In the western country, maybe it’s still normal, but I am totally obese if you have to compare me with others. and by the way, NEVER compare yourself with others, because it is the worst thing you can do to yourself.
I was verbally bullied and discriminated a lot. I was a tomboy growing up because I was skating for a few years, and I would wear baggy clothes to hide my curves so I feel more “safe” not being seen as a female when I was around almost just men in the skateboarding scene.
I was a binge eater since young and then I have become anorexic
at 20 years old, but being in hospital for 2 weeks not being able to
recover from an infection made me realise how important health is, no
matter I am slim or not. That was the last time I tried to be on a diet, and I have tried anything possible before, but eating disorder is not something so easy to get rid of.
Have you learned anything positive or remarkable from the above experience?
I have learned that my insecurity came from not having confidence in myself because I was constantly being bullied and mocked about my appearance, and somehow I have linked these bad feelings to my self worth. I felt like I am not good at anything I do and I am not given chances as much as others because of my body size, which is not true. And as I grow up, I have gained more and more experiences in other aspects of life, that I realise my body size is not the thing that is stopping me. So from there on, I have been trying hard to prove people wrong by getting things done.
I have also learned that I HAVE to stand up for myself because nobody else would, and that I have to own my own feelings.
Same as work and life experience, you only get to learn and become better once you have stepped outside of your comfort zone and do something different with courage from within. I tell myself now that if I don’t try I will never know what I am capable of doing.
Enough with the sad past experience, name one thing you love about yourself?
I love that I have the ability to comprehend most of the things I want to learn. I am a high school drop out and I have basically learned everything I needed to, to survive, by myself (except mathematics, I suck at math 🙁 ) And I can add, I love that I am beautiful the way I AM 😛
What / Who is your inspiration?
There are many people I would like to address; my mom for keep pushing me to be a better version of myself, my girlfriend Natalie who is a very kind, humble and strong woman, who can do anything including break dance :D, my gf Kar Yee who used to be my boss and now that we are close friends, who is strong and persistent, I have learned a great deal from them and they have helped shaped me into who I am today.
And one special mention would be Honorine, who is my heroine (http://instagram.com/honorcurves#) , I should say she is the final trigger.
Ever since I have joined instagram in 2012, I have become one of her many followers, it was the beginning of her #honormycurves movement and that we had more back and forth comments to communicate, so from her encouragement and her positive daily posts, I have helped myself coming out from the shell. Through her, I have discovered a whole new world where women in different shapes and sizes come together and support each other, that we are no more bound to our body size and appearance which we are our worst criticiser. And from there on, I have gained more and more confidence and now I can say I have no fear when it comes to criticism of who I am, because I have finally realised my appearance doesn’t define who I am. It is me who tries to understand, my ability to progress and the hard work I have put into what I love doing do.
What do you love doing that promote happiness?
Ever since I came out of my shell, I started one thing that I have always loved – writing about Fashion and styling. I was too insecure and afraid of being judge all these years, and although I have started reading fashion magazines at age of 13, I have never really played with clothes before. I bought my first dress at 22 years old which barely fit and I wasn’t able to find anything that fit until recent years.
With more and more plus size clothes available to be purchased online, I get to experience many different fashion and I am absolutely in love with it. Women or mankind actually have to encourage oneself to get things done, and by looking beautiful, it’s actually a boost in my own confidence, and it helps get things done.
Hence I have this blog where I can freely talk about fashion, and show my readers my outfit of the day posts, which apparently encourage others being more confident too. I hope my blog and the things I talk about , not just fashion, but being a woman and being happy can inspire someone else who have similar experience in life as woman.
What would you say to your younger self if you could turn back time?
Be yourself, be persistent, focus on what you love and just work hard on it.
You will find that happiness is not far!